YinGinanen Sanen (yingsane) wrote,
YinGinanen Sanen


I still long for more.
There is this emptiness, i filled it with my own salvation but at times it still turns up hollow. I don't know.
Well there's an honest truth. I don't know.

Everything is progressing forward and everything is unacceptable.\

Days go by without rememberance. Days turn into weeks, months pass by and I don't remember any of it. I play around with different states of consciousness to find out what I am missing, because it seems like I'm not here. Throughout the day there are single moments that I realize where I am right now. Today, I was walking to the car, I looked over the trees to see a bridge and cars passing over, that was such a pretty scenery, it was evening, the sun was low, the sky was clear. I realized how I'm one person in this maze. I don't actually realize how many people there are around me. Other human beings, thousands of them, everywhere I go. Sometimes I just think about that, I'm driving and there's hundreds of human beings also driving with me I can see all of them but it's like they're not there. It's just other cars I'm trying to pass. It's like, I can't explain it this feeling when you like, you don't realize it cause you already know it, you just acknowledge that each of these people have lives and thoughts and hopes and dreams and what could they be thinking right at this moment? What reason are they traveling the same direction I am? Everything seems like a video game, like grand theft auto. Eh I feel like I'm old, like I'm about to die soon. Like I've reached my climax already, when in actuality things are just starting. How could I be broken hearted when I'm the one who ended the relationship? Or is it because I feel like such a fool for actually putting that much into it.

Here we are alone once again, I don't really have time for anyone I'm already affiliated with, so how could I find time to fill the void?

I don't know the answer to this solution right now, so I will continue on the plan that is laid before me.
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