YinGinanen Sanen (yingsane) wrote,
YinGinanen Sanen

An exerpt from my writings, i call this the chapter of questions

Well, what do you want?
How are you feeling? Do you crave to be touched? Do you long for the presence of another person? Do you wish to be held? DO you want to feel the warmth of another human being, once again? Do you want to return to the womb? Do you want to be held softly as you suckle from the nipple? You want to rest your head on the bosom, becoming full of the nourishment that comes from another? Have you regressed that much that your only wishes that tuly are yours are that basic and childlike? Is it because the only time in your life that you have really been you is when you were a child? Is it not also sad, that the said person of you wants the same thing that everyone else wanted at that point? Doesn't that make you no more unique, no more of an individual entity than one of twelve newborn puppies suckling and their mother's teats?
Do you want big money? Is that what you really want? WIll just having lots of cash at your disposal satisfy you? WIll a big empty house also satisfy you? WIll you be even more satisfied by the company of mosquitos and leeches you will attract? WIll you find satisfaction in knowing your wife married you just to divorce you and get half?
What do you want? Do you want fame? Do you want everyone to know your name? Will you feel as if you are immortal if you do so? WIll you be satisfied when it becomes hard for you to walk down the street without attracting crowds? Will it satisfy you more when people idolize you, and worship your image? Will it please you to know that people want to be like you, and because of that just as many people that love you also hate and dispise you? Will you find comfort in the eyes of fake people pretending to befriend you just to exploit and use you? Will the fake smiles make you forget about the emptiness inside of you, will it block out the unfulfillment? WIll the praise you receive make you ignorant of all the critisisms and insults that counter every good word mentioned of you? Will you become that hollow? Will you enjoy your isolation from society and find shelter in your self prison? WIll you be used to portraying this perfect image of yourself at all times because there is someone always watching, and documenting your every move?
Tell me, is there something you want, huh? Would you rather be isolated? DO you want to be non-existant instead? Do you want to have no friends, and no family? Do you want to be everything to no one, and nothing to everyone? DO you want your life to have no value? DO you want to eat and breathe and shit and no one will know or care? DO you think you will have no burdens then, no responsibility? Would you be free to do anything you wanted? Would there be anyone to bury your corpse, or would you just rot and decary wherever you were laying? Would that free you? WOuld you be satisfied or would you be lonely? Would it be better if we introduced another element into your life?
Oh, is that what you want, sweetie? Do you want love? You want to find your true love is that correct? You want to find your true love, is that correct? You want to find that one person to fill in your voids, to share your experiences with, to love and to hold, and be just yours? DO you want to be with someone who is perfect? What if you never find that person, would you just die alone or settle for imperfection? Do you want to feel empty everytime you are away from that person? Do you want to be afraid of losing someone you have become attached to? DO you want to be so driven by emotions for that person that you will do anything for them? DO you want to lose control of your higher thought patterns and be driven by pure instinct, animal agression, envy, and jealousy? Do you want to be hurt? Does the thought of your good times together make you blind to everything that is wrong with your relationship? WIll you find pleasure in making love to someone who you know is not true to you? Will you be satisfied when you drive them away? WIll seeing them with someone else calm your soul? Or maybe, you want to find someone just like you, right? Do you really thing there is someone out there just like you, or is that just wishful thinking? If you find that person, will you be able to stand them? Can you even stand yourself?
What is it you're searching for? What is the grand finale? Do you want to die? Will that satisfy you? Do you find inspiration in knowing that one day you will no longer have to worry about anything? Things like making a living, establishing relationships, and breathing will no longer burden you will they? You'll be free then won't you? So that's what you want, freedom? DO you want to be truly free? ANd was that the sad conclusion you came up with? Is that what this is leading up to? I can't be wrong, can I? You have no bloody idea do you?
Tell me when you find out.
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