YinGinanen Sanen (yingsane) wrote,
YinGinanen Sanen
yingsane

come on baby light my fire

Oh God what door has been opened before me. What I wanted to say in the last post is to mention how I lost my book of writing in which i was working on. Every time I felt my self slipping away I would refer back to that book to reaffirm myself of my goals. Now, in light of that: we are technically back together. Yet, I feel just about nothing.  Initiated by her. I'm really, basically just going along with it, I don't see anything genuine about it, just coming down off of  being betrayed by her current and is now reverting back to the previous. I was the one to initiate the separation though.  She initiated the beginning and she is initiating this second beginning. I'll probably initiate the second separation.  Nevertheless I can't imagine myself putting any real emotion into such a thing, it won't be the same as before, emotional wise.  Yet some of the same things I dispised and freed myself of are already surfacing.  This time around it won't be as painful because I will know what to expect.  It will take alot of time to really build that feeling we had back, even though she has said 'there's something still there' and oh how we remember the 'love u but not in love with u '   and this time, after referring to that the response 'love u, but can become in love with u'.  Yeah i'm just the inbetween guy.  But for now, I have decided to go along with it, calm my dick down. We're both really licking each other's wounds.  Really the only thing that worries me is reading back through previous posts on here and feeling as if I have just made a wicked mistake.
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